Sunday, September 28, 2008

Top 5 reasons to have an offspring!

I am having one of those insomniac nights and uncharacteristically, I am at my cynical best.. So here goes.. "The top 5 reasons for having a kid" in no particular order
  • Acquiring, retaining and exploiting the moral high ground
Let's say you get into an argument involving social issues and repercussions of some social policies . For instance, think about these following questions "Should the government send more troop to Iraq?", "Should candies be sold in school canteens?", "Is global warming real?". You can spend all day long preparing cogent and the most rational arguments based on scientific evidences like that freakanomics guy (Oh my god.. imagine sharing a dorm room with that geek!). All your preparations can be tossed aside if you answer the following question in the "nay" - "Do you have any kids?". In many of the roadside arguments (presidential debates inclusive), moral high ground is automatically bestowed if, say, you can anecdotally refer that your kid stuffed himself with candies and ended up running a temperature of 99.1 and hence candies should not be allowed in schools!

  • Your career is going no where and you need an excuse for rationalizing your incapacity to climb the corporate ladder
If your corporate experience starts feeling more like a stairmaster than a ladder, you need someone to attribute that to. You can complain about the 'politics' going on in the big bureaucratic company, you can complain about some of the questionable 'policies' of not promoting people of your background (such as wearing red trousers and yellowish orange shirt to work). But it all sounds noble and better if you can tell that you are 'sacrificing' your career because you are focusing on the more important facets of life (getting hated by your kid for following him everywhere)
  • A ticket to excusing yourselves from any unpalatable gatherings - for life!
This may be one of the best reasons for having a kid. Say you are socially awkward and you want to avoid every social gathering to the best of your capacity. An even more apt example. Say your brother-in-law (insert any other pretends-to-know-all, ignorant fool, kill joy, totally obnoxious loser epitomized by the aforementioned relation) invites you over to his place for thanksgiving. What is your best excuse as of today? "Busy at Work?", "I am afraid of flying?", "I am not feeling well?" See how it sounds.. It is all about you.. pretty selfish. Now try, "My kid's preschool will be affected by the travel" (or) "we are trying for a 100% attendance record in his day care"... How does that sound.. totally benevolent! Cant beat it.. There is no come back for that..
  • An avenue for harnessing the talents which you never had
Say you dont have any talent for language.. You can hardly put words together in half a language.. But you have seen James Bon, Tom &Jerry for that matter, adeptly conversing in multiple languages without skipping a beat. Or music.. you are not only tone deaf but cant hold any instrument for good.. Or for that matter math, physics, sciences.. Now you have an avenue to actually stuffing all this on an uninterested mind.. And what more.. you can rant about how your parents were stupid and never supported you in exploring your passion (which is non-existent in the first place but you dont have to tell that) and how you are providing the opportunity for the kid and why he should show his sense of gratitude towards you
  • A safe front for expressing your skepticism
If I do not have a kid and I write like this, I am a cynical loser.. But with a kid, I am one with a great sense of self-deprecating humor! I will take it any day !

Peace man!

Click here for the rest of the article!


At 1:21 AM, Blogger Pradnya said...

Forgot to post a comment on this one. Awesome read. Absolutely hilarious! Now you do have the all-time excuse for everything, including blogposts like these :-)



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